without condition.

Unconditional: absolute. not limited by conditions.
Conditional: subject to, depending on a condition, no absolute, made or allowed on certain terms.
Love: tender, passionate affection for another person. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, beloved person, sweetheart.

God's definition: Patient, kind, not rude, bearing all things, believing all things, hoping all things, enduring all things, not prideful/conceited (seeing yourself as above another)  does not insist on its own way, is not self seeking, pays no attention to a suffered wrong, LOVE is never failing.

I used to study words. It was how God really spoke to me in the early age of my relationship with him. He would speak a word and I would dive in, I would suck the bible dry of the word and study each passage containing that word. I would hang verses to remind me what God was teaching. and I learned. This is how my relationship with God, when it was vibrant and a live, this is how it flourished.

God reminded me of this tonight, as I sat behind Max, tucked in by his leg. His hand was on my knee. Jordan was talking and the ceiling was quaking on and off as bri and ryan and the kids pounded their feet on the floor of the upstairs. French press coffee in most everyones hand.

God reminded me of how I used to study... and then a quote by someone came to mind, "remember how it was when you first began you journey with God..." to remember how it felt is to remember that nearness that God first drew you with. And yes, seasons change, but I want that again.

It was in college really, when Billy and I had resigned our relationship and I felt quite strong then.  19. Stronger than every before. New. everything was new. I had a new tomorrow. What I thought would be was not to be. I would sit after class and there would be warmth and coffee and the lights were dim in Grand Rapids Community College's "quiet cafe" and I would study and journal and my insides came a live. mostly, I studied words. and God taught me that way. I always carried a dictionary. God reminded me of this tonight.

Maybe it is under the pressure of having a choice to love that I will learn the skill. To love without condition is to be in action... to be kind no matter what the condition, to be patient, to pursue and believe and hope and endure no matter what like Jesus did. to when I want to yell to overcome that with good. No matter what the condition, Jesus let your love shine through me because I cannot do that on my own. Conditions may be hard but Jesus let me love you no matter what.

I was furious a week ago, maybe it is the passionate irish/english girl in me. and I wanted to leave the house without saying goodbye and love you  to the man I promised to love for my life but I could not. I had a choice at that time to know I love that person but not choose to act out in love and that would not be love. because love is a verb.

I do not tell you this except for you to know that sometimes I am not victorious but I chose then.  I wrote a note, I told him I loved him. I set out a stone from our lake wedding that had the words "I will step towards you over and over forever and ever" because it is a vow that I made and it does not matter how I feel but I must love!! I must love!!

LOVE IS A VERB.

 NO CONDITIONS should change my actions to be kind and patient. bearing all. God help me. NO CONDITIONS can change the love that God has for me though I fail him everyday and I must ask God to give me this love for others.

fill me Lord with this verb, this action, this kind of love. Let it overflow.