Max.

I haven't written for awhile.

I lay now, on a mattress that I didn't buy with just my money. I bought it with someone else. We will be using it together soon. once again, my things are in boxes and my to-do lists are longer than they ever have been.

pre-occupied? yes, I have been. I am getting married in 19 18 days.

I reflect back on a few years ago when I was sure that I would never get married. the dread of it filled me, the unknown filled me with dread. crying about it didn't make it better, and people continuously told me that I was wrong but I never believed them.

Putting my hands together when I was young, I lifted up prayers to God about this man that I would someday join my life to. Then, I thought it would be a lot sooner, maybe I would be 20, 21? But life had a different plan. I prayed for a lot of things. I prayed he'd be pure, and a leader, and that he'd love God more than he loved me. I prayed he'd like adventure and travel. but I also prayed that he'd be tall. and have hands that were manly. I prayed he'd work with his hands. That he'd have a jeep or a truck. more specifically, bearded, and someone who wears bandanas. someone who would protect my purity. Someone who cared about what they looked like, but didn't really care all that much. I wrote these things down and gave them to my Mom and she's kept the list next to her bed and prayed for me when she could. I dated.

the men didn't always fit this specific category but I was too picky, too anxious, and so I would put the requests aside and date. no one ever really felt right before. They didn't fit like I thought they would. and then I met him.

Max is pure. is he perfect? of course not, but there have been so many times when he has guarded me and protected me when he didn't have to. He wouldn't kiss me until we got engaged. I had saved my first kiss until I was 25 because I wanted to be with someone who would wait. I finally decided that was rubbish and so I gave it away to someone else. It was Max's idea when we started dating to wait to kiss, not mine. God is so faithful even with small prayers.

Max leads. He leads in the little and big things. He was the one who got our caterer, and since we talked about marriage the first time, the one who wanted to prepare a place, the one who led me into the discussion on marriage and also led in waiting til I was ready.

Max lived in Hawaii and in Australia before we met. He's traveled the world. He loves camping and hiking and swimming and surfing and wants to take me scooba diving and surfing in Hawaii and take me to Thailand or Korea in the hills and is open to living with me in a yurt in Alaska for a season. I don't need this. I dream often. If you know me at all you know this. He has learned to smile at me when I dream, to not get afraid that he cannot meet my expectations, and to assure me that if that is what we are supposed to do, we will do it. I trust him to lead me into what God wants for us in season and to keep my desires in his thoughts.

Max is 6'3. He IS tall. He teases me about having a bad neck when I am old from kissing him. He is generally always covered in some sort of debri from building or painting or telling me not to squeeze his hand so hard because of the wounds from nails and hammers. He works with his hands. He works hard. He works 9-5 doing real estate and the comes home and works on the house with me.Right now he has a Chevy Malibou, but when I met him, he had a jeep. He talks about getting us a wrangler when we settle down. And have you seen that beard? yum. delicious. breath-taking. He was the one who probably 3-4 years ago taught me the "how-tos" of getting your hair curly by wearing a bandana at night time.

These specifics were silly and obviously not necessary, but I can only help but think that God heard me as I grew and as I requested... because despite the porch covered in table legs and chairs and couch cushions and the driveway that is wet because of our broken hose, and the constant work and shifting of the home and these boxes all over the house...this "chaos" that I am learning to love... I somehow feel I have met my match. My perfect match. amid the chaos of wedding planning and building and painting and priming and coloring doors neon green, I feel the happiest I have ever felt.

and I praise you Lord. [and I missed you all.]