the edges of his mouth curled up into a smile
it was on the way to McDonalds today
and he smiled while he informed me he's been highlighting.

in his bible.

when it began happening, I don't think I at first offered praise.
it was like I just held my breath, waiting for it to pass, for it not to be real.
I didn't believe it.

Sort of like Dave, you know, we've been praying for him for 3 years now and the Smiths still find him passed out on the porch or behind the brick wall sucking down his demon in a can with Deba Jean and you begin to roll your eyes or shake your head or laugh when you hear he's sobered up now because, we've heard it a thousand times before - and still, there is a small seed of hopefulness. and there is hope.

I've been on my knees since J was 7, pleading to the Lord for his salvation.

This morning I walked into his room, the one with bright colors and tie-dyed things hanging everywhere, the dresser-drawers littered in sharpie, wooden boards with spray-painted shapes - and my body got chills.

two years ago I remember walking in and praying over that room because it held a presence of darkness - remember the open bedroom window that he smoked marijuana out of? or the "coke" he was drinking diluted with vodka. It is good to remember the bad I think, because then you see the redemption. I remember when I lived at the boiler room and I cried and cried and cried because I learned he was trying to figure out if he was a homosexual - and he was experimenting. I remember seeing the scars on his upper arm from cutting, and Mom made him keep his door open. I remember the loosing weight, the constant fidgeting, the dull eyes, the paranoia about medical problems everytime I was around him. I remember him at 7, he wouldn't speak - the self-loathing. I remember the drawings we've found in the last 10 years, the demons, the skeletons, the naked women.

this morning, my body got chills because I walked into his room and there was worship music on high volume. and the room felt light.

and he asked me last week about a drawing of a skeleton, he asked if I thought he should throw it away because it was so dark - He had drawn it for a friend who wanted to have it tattooed on his body, and Jesh said He didn't want to let his friend have it anymore.

and he's highlighting in his bible.
he's given up alcohol for life.
he's spoken of spray painting verses.
and his facebook is not longer littered with the F word, or complaints or boredom, but this is a recent status of his on Facebook where He is proclaiming his faith better than I do

Once you do what God wants you to do, you realize that's what you really need, and all you ever really WANTED.

and another

With God, all things are possible.

You can be who you are meant to be. You can benefit most out of life. You can be who you actually really want to be deep down with God.

You can still be artsy and beautiful, rocker or punk, hippie or scene, forget being sad and emo, be happy with life and LOVE people, as the army says, Be All You Can Be, you can have a clear path and direction, a life of purpose, YOU CAN BE FREE, soooo free and happy...With God. connect with people, be peaceful and stay positive!

So. thank you, if your lips have ever stood in the gap for my brother.

Max told me once that an old lady came up to him once at church and said, Max, I pray for you every single day. And Max told me that he thought it incredible that who he is today is largely because of that lady, because as God searched the earth from heaven and looked down he saw Max because of that ladies constant prayers and He answered from Heaven... inspiring.

and if you would offer up another prayer for Jeshua as you read this - I pray for continued pulling toward God - that the seeds would go deep - That his entire life would be redeemed and that God would use Him in incredible ways.

Thank you.