Blessing and Truth

this week?
it's been hard.
really hard.

I can't lie about that.
I won't.
I have lost and walked away from something that has been near and dear and almost a permanent part of my life. Because that is what God wanted.

I have freaked out this week about it. cried. talked to much. blah blah blah.
and all of this lead to feeling down and depressed and sad. Anxious.
and all of this time I churn.

do you know what churning is? for me,
it's turning over the information over and over and over in my head
trying to find a solution to your grief.

and usually there isn't an answer.
usually the answer is that, this hurts.
this sucks.
this is hard.
this doesn't feel right.
and at that time I have a choice.

Rod said once, He said, you can choose to be bitter
or to learn and grown. Bitter or better.

And so. I came to this conclusion, all of my "churning"
isn't getting me anywhere
and the Holy Spirit really spoke to me or smacked me, whatever you want to call it
WHY THE HECK are you doing this

and J, (thanks) sort of spoke into my life with her story
and said you just have to pray for that person that you are sad bitter angry about
and

I've learned you have to be truthful about how you feel
its okay that stuff hurts
or that you are sad
or depressed

but you must cling to truth

you must.

you must get past it eventually and say
God BLESS this person.
Bless Him/Her.
Because God has put in me love
HIS love
and I have no choice.

someone said once
that you know Jesus is in you when you get to the end of your rope
and you know that the only choice that you have is love
to love them

tenderhearted... forgiving each other.

[and]

there is freedom.

[and God has better plans for me.]
[and, I'm cleaning out my closet.]