i am so happy!

I think part of it, is not allowing myself to think.

Because thinking has at times been a controlling device for me.

It allows me to worry. analyze. decide. constrict. force me into a square that I was unsure I wanted to wear.

God has instead put a little push inside of me, that when my chest begins to ball up and tighten

he asks me to release it

to let the tension go

and to let him take my problem.

My little brother wrote this song about it he said

I took all my problems

put them in a box

and I put them away

and, I am learning how to do this.

and it is freeing.

because, honestly? Worry. It is wrong.

God says do not worry.

He has it together.

He knows.

He's your papa. 

and as simple as that is,

it is the most difficult thing I have ever had to achieve.

but, it is working.

I am learning.

and, He has made me happy. (joyful. filled. content.)

and I am a lot of things that I never wanted to be

single

unmarried

cosmetologist

I am in no way pursuing toward exhaustion

and yet God is opening up doors for conversations about Him

He is in relationship with me daily

I have never been more at peace

and.

I praise Him.

I can honestly say, at this point

if I never got married - I'd be happy.

if I never went to another country again - I'd be happy.

if I only knew the people I know right now for the rest of my life - I'd be happy.

if I'm only a cosmetologist - Id be happy. 

Maybe I wont feel like that at some point in my life, but - for today. 

I want to express it.

God fills all.