dear Mom

sometimes I wear white musk because it reminds me of you

I dont really like how it smells, except for the fact that it is your smell

so I keep it in my car so I can smell it sometimes.

You've taught me a lot about God

I don't think you always knew how to, but you acted it out and so I learned.

I remember once when you asked me how my relationship with God was

and it was sort of an awkward conversation because I wanted to say the right thing

and was unsure of what you were looking for.

You have always demonstrated a humble, meek, spirit

I want to be like you someday.

I used to be frustrated because you didn't care what you look like too much

and I always attributed that to you being a hippy in your early years 

but I think more than that is, there are other people, things

that are more important to you, and you'd rather put yourself in the background 

so that other people, your home, can benefit more than yourself.

Your joy despite the burdens you bear are amazing

I know, sometimes you are sad, and I can see it in your face

because he doesn't always love you well, and in these moments you remember

to turn back to Jesus, like Leah, and praise Him

You've shown me a healthy view of God

and a simple trust - not an overspiritualization

in fact most times you feel like a failure when pursuing God

but failure or not, you know that Jesus loves you

and you wash the dishes humming

and pour white wine like Jesus made it for you

and cook splendid meals in His name, 

and I think He smiles.

Your home is comfortable.

I know a lot of times I made you feel like it wasn't. 

but Mom, I miss living at home

and your calming voice.

You have made the perfect home for your grandkids to want to come to

and your children

you are festive, and hospitable

and kind.

and I want to put all of these things on me

You are a role model to me

and I just wanted you to know because

I didn't know what else to give you on Mothers day.