its 11:30 and the fan is blowing and I should be going to bed, but

Mr. Bryson happens to get coffee flown in from other countries and I just couldnt

pass that up

so. thank you caffeine.

Life sure does have a way of changing you.

I guess I shouldnt give the credit to life, but to God

it's weird that one day something matters so much to you and then

you find yourself a year or two later doing something different

though I dont think I have done one thing in which my heart is not still attached

the orphans

coffee with Marcy and the safety of the Smith house hold

cooking muffins and delivering with Ally

the long talks those late nights in South Africa

the walk that I didnt have to make up the mountain

i wont ever forget these treasures

and I have found myself surrounded by sorrow

and the best family in the whole world

and sometimes a broken down car

tonight, somewhat of a broken heart

but the best people I could ever ask for to do life with

whether it is plopping a note in a flower pot that says "I'm sad"

knowing that someone will be praying for it

or sitting on the floor in the house with white pillars on Tamarack

to pray to read and watch Beth Moores hair shrink and grow week by week

or hugging Jamin and letting him look at my with sincere brotherly love

or Logan tickling me in the armpits and strapping up his shoes for his first mile run

curling up with Jessica on her bed to pray at night, her always saying her prayers  that are so pure and beautiful and simple and straight are so much less then mine, and I scoff

Dave and Christina's still quiet peaceful haven, their calming probing words 

and encouragement

and Kristen's quiet presence, sometimes farting next to me, I next to her

or eating moose noodles

all of these things are like little treasures

all accounted for.

and a new chapter? yes.

again.

this new beautiful house.

Damien Rice still playing behind me.

single, again. 

a new school

so many possibilities to drown or win

I know which one is for me

not because of who I am by any means

but who I am loved by

this God has me in His palm and I will not

cannot

fail.

Danny told me to keep wearing that pearl from Homer

because he bought it to remind me of Alaska and what God had taught me

and so this pearl does not mean anything except

God is for me

who can be against me

and God, God accomplishes all things for me

and will show me HIS ways.

His grace and peace rests on each moment.

and I lift my hands and thank Him for what he does on purpose

even tho at times I find it very inconvenient.

God knows best. God knows best.