one

of my biggest fears were that

I'd never fall in love.

and.

if I did, it wouldn't last.

This fear has been my friend for most of my life.

This imaginary friend was created over fights, and standing between my Dad and my Mom as they fought, or my Dad and my brothers and they fought, and I just got this vibe that, no one really was in love with anyone and it never lasted, and a family is really just the way you are raised and how you become cultured, and no one really is a very good version of a person, - I think I stopped believing in love, and then I started trying to be the kind of love that I thought was missing, and then when I failed I realized that perhaps my theory was right all along, because I got so exhausted trying. Then, once in a while I'd come across a good relationship and say to myself, "ok, well, what's really in there...." or... "We'll see in a couple of years."

that's so blasted bloody negative.

I am blocking this fear from my friend list. and if he tries to come back I will slaughter him. and slaughter him and slaughter him until he no longer wants to be my friend.

tru, it is RARE to find two people that actually love each other and never quit.

but. 

I will be one of them.

[huzzah!!!]

ps. two people can't love each other without Jesus. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart - Ecclesiastes. thanks!