Lately, there has been a lot getting fired at me without me even asking. About relationships, mostly.
I guess that's just how God works.
I want to get feedback. Please email me at Chelseagentry@yahoo.com if you have a question, or a comment, or something you'd like to be change, or something you disagree with. I want this to be about retelling what I am learning, and I want to know the TRUTH about this stuff.
Here goes...
I learned in my Christian living class that a marriage can be like a liability: the state of being responsible for something by law.
A liability, as we know, can either work against us, if it is not cared for, or worked for us - if we are faithful to it.
it takes serious work to make it work for you.
Relationships are the same. they are work.
At the dinner table last night, Luke talked about how a relationship is learning a totally different language.
learning how to "work" the other person. Learning how to "speak" to them in such a way that they understand.
I dont know about you, but, Spanish class wasn't EASY. the tests were easy if I studied hard and consistently.
I've been "playing" the guitar for 3 years now... and, I only know random chords. I'm not so good at strumming, and sometimes my strums dont go with the rhythm of my voice.
People have a lot to say about the language of love, like "with the language of love there is no barrier." But I beg to differ. IT would be very hard for me to move to Bangladesh because I don't know the culture and it would take me years learn it and be good at it and be able to love the people well and live like them. I WOULD do it if God told me to. But it would be hard, and draining. And, it would change me.
SO - even so,
over time, the guitarist, or the language seems to be a little bit easier, or a little bit fluent,
but, if I gave up the guitar or the language for a year or two in between, I'd lose practice, and it'd take longer to get where I wanted to get.
I speak Chelsea.
Kristen speaks Kristen.
Danny speaks Danny.
I get so frustrated when Danny doesn't speak Chelsea
or when I can't understand what his language is saying.
I learned in Christian living that when you rent an apartment, everything is scheduled around the rent payment, if you are responsible. if you aren't you get into debt which can lead to a slew of problems - deeper and deeper.
He talked about roles. He said our society says that woman and men are equal. This is true in the sense of our value and our worth, but God gives us roles which makes the man above the woman in leadership. the man leads the woman.
Barbara said today that the man is the umbrella and shades the woman. He covers over her. He protects her. He gets his source of life from God who is above Him. In this place the woman should feel protection and safety. A lot of times men see this as a power play or a place of control. But its really not supposed to be like a master over a slave, it's supposed to feel like shade, and like a gentle shepherd with a lamb. Correct me if I am wrong. A woman in this position can without a doubt or a worry subject herself to that man. She loves to be under this man. Every girl dreams about being under this man. The sad thing, is, this is not seen by society as a manly man. So, depending on who he is trying to please? God's instruction to Him IS to manage His house. IS to be the provider. IS to be the leader. But, in all of those God instructs the man to lay down his life.
The secret is: a woman wants to trust a man like this. She will think he is the most amazing person ever created. She will want to serve him and respect him.
TRUST:
A girl cannot trust a man who hurts her and attacks her and treats her harshly, she cannot help but not trust him, she does not have a reason TO trust him. In the same way, A girl cannot NOT trust a man who waters her, shades her, doesnt demand from her, gently guides her, listens to her, makes her feel protected. She can be emotionally safe in his arms. She has no choice but to trust Him, to respect Him. How could she not? He wants the best for her. He not only would die for her, but he lives for her. He dies for her everyday. She has no problem recognizing her role under him, she wants to be under that man. Women do not love being the boss - (well, maybe some do, but for most woman this is not the place they feel most comfortable, even tho they will step into that place if the man isn't doing it.) If a woman isn't used to a leader, she might struggle against the love, she might struggle against the protection because she doesnt know how to handle it - but the walls will come down. Mark Driscoll says, "love her until she is lovable." it can and will be done. If she feels harmed, she will close up like a flower afraid to be beautiful. Afraid to bloom. Afraid to Adorn Him.
So, yes, a woman's place is subject to her husband. This works CORRECTLY when the husband is full of love and tender and gentle. This is the way it is to be. She wants to be subject. Still, if she has married a man who is a butthole (like Skip says) she still is required to submit to Him. But it will be a constant struggle to submit from the heart and not just outwardly. And it will be hard not to build up resentment. The problem comes when the husband isn't loving and looking out for the interest of the one he is married to. His own flesh. If he yells at her is yells at his own right hand. If he is harsh, he is hating himself. They must learn how to agree with each other. They must learn how to come to a place of oneness.
P.s. this is not an attack on men. this is an attack on Satan who tries to destroy the way things should be. You must understand I am coming from a woman's perspective, and I feel like it is my job to speak to young women who are looking for Godly men. I hope to speak to young parents who are teaching their sons to grow up in such a way as to serve and adore and love well. I do want to address the woman and her place, I hope that I did this somewhat in this blog, but I do feel like it is mostly the mans responsibility to guide his family with the denial of himself. As my boo puts it, to be a "servant leader" which is the hardest job in the world. But, this is God's way, it is the only way he will lead well, and lead as a man... and believe it or not, lead her into respecting him. (am I right?)
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