its 2:52 am

(photo by brooke)

back home where I was raised.

and, I miss the Smiths.
and sometimes I just stop and think about them
and how much I wish I could show them how much I am thankful for them
but then everything I think of is just too small and doesn't quite cut it, you know?
and so its easier to do nothing.

But, the smiths are like a warm place.
they are, truly, second family.
and it's strange not tromping in after the buzz out to Byron
Webster farting (he doesn't bark anymore because Coop isn't there with him)
and the fireplace is roaring
and Kevin yells, "Chelseaaa joyyyyyy"
and Marc says, "Chelsaroo!"
and Al just kind of smiles or giggles or walks by
and Soymilk is sprawled on the couch and doesn't speak unless spoken too
and Bray is grinning from ear to ear
and Logan is asking questions and hugging me

and it's just a delightful, happy, cheerful, family, safe-zone
where I know that who I am is who they love
and I dont have to hide
they laugh at me when I say something I shouldnt
or when I'm a dork
and I dont have to pretend that I am flawless
or, not a dork.
which is, quite nice.

I really felt like I unraveled there a little (A LOTTA) bit
and of course, it was God in them that did it
but God uses people who's hands are open
and I don't think that they will ever know who they are to me
and how much I miss them
and how much they've changed me by opening their arms
their home
their lives
their stories
their tears
their fights
their chaos
their calm
to me.

I have never lived anywhere else that felt that safe.
that easy of a transition, which is what I needed.
and it led me here to Homer,
and now I have three lil cozy places I could call home

so, I am just so thankful for people.
so thankful.
so thankful.
I am who I am because of the people who have loved me
and shared themselves
poured themselves out.

and today, today I want to thank the Smith's.
who, let God use them, to give me

new life inside this flesh.

ps. these are my thoughts on carpet.