why are you this way

I find Christ intoxicating.
I am learning Him.

I used to be scared of Him.
I still FEAR Him, but...
it's awe.

With Jesus and I - it's relational.
I don't think I am too intellectual, or one that likes to study the deep
theories
philosophy
I want to know what I believe
so I can tell people
why I believe it
I want to know theology
but, for me, I want to know Jesus
as my friend and as who he is rather than
trying to fight with all the different theories in the world
and to take on disputes

in fact
I don't like conflict at all
I want to seek to be in Harmony with all man (as much as I can be while still standing firm)

I don't think this is wrong.
it's the difference I think between my Dad and my Mom
She loves Jesus. She talks to Him. She feels Him. She cries for her kids. This is how she loves Jesus.
My Dad, studies Jesus. Reads about Him. this is how he loves Jesus.
they are different

My Dad has this gift to gain knowledge and wisdom and in that, he likes to teach (spiritual gifts) if you can get him going
My Mom - the gift of exhortation - encouragement, etc. hospitality (which they both have),

Male, Female
Different personalities
gifts
not better
not worse
equal in God's eyes

I am learning that people are like this, our SHAPE is so different
we have an entire class based on this
learning ourselves and who it is that God has called us to be
and I am called to be something different than you
and I am sick of getting frustrated or coveting that I am not like you
I am like me.
and I like it.
and I'm funny.
and I'm happy.
and I'm spunky.
and I'm corny.
and I'm friendly.
and I'm a peacemaker.

and, I'm gifted in these areas, and it really
really
it isn't me
it's God in me
and that is how he EXUDES out of me
and that is how he reaches the people he has already ordained for me to reach
and maybe I can't reach the scholar
or understand the scholar
but maybe I can reach the teenager struggling with her body image
or the old man who misses holding his wifes hand

and thats what God wanted.

I have learned that I have the gift of mercy, tongues, hospitality, exhortation, discernment, and... some prophestic.
I'm not boasting in them
but I am proud of them
not because they are me
but because they are God in me
and if I don't take pride in them
then I am doing a dis-service to my King
who put them in me.

and yes, as I become more like Christ, parts of the other gifts will start springing up in me

I love learning this stuff, because in it, I learn about my Danny
and why I stinking doing get along with him all the time
and if I want too
then I can learn him
Learn what he loves and who he is and what he hates
(so I can push his buttons... just kidding)
and he can learn me

but I must learn me

and I want to learn me on here
and in Alaska
and document

and as I do that, I hope you see God
and
then
examine yourself