finally

it snowed today.

sometimes its just waiting for things that gets annoying.



I waited for almost 5 years to get to Alaska.
and.
finally.
here I am.


["safe harbors are safe, but that isn't where a ship belongs, is it?]

I think that I am learning about waiting.
Waiting on God.
Praying fervently and trusting God's way
and hoping that someday...

but I feel like God has to do some work on me
because I have some things so SET UP in my mind
of the way things should be that at times
I lose sight of
what is.
and it's beauty.
because... it should be DIFFERENT.

(maybe not)

Maybe God wanted me to be Promise's roomate this semester
(her real name is Patient)


[Patient]

I had a bad attitude about it at first
everyone was telling me it would be challenging
because she has emotional problems and
[she should, her Dad died last year]
and these other girls were saying, no, just stay in our room, don't go in there
and so, I prayed about it and said God
move me, PLEASE move me, give me different roommates!
But then I felt this thing rest on me that was an impression from God
"this is what I want"
and so I asked Him to change my heart
and
He did.
And Patient needs me to be in there, to show her fun
and corniness and God's grace and love and
the lightness of the load

and I need Patient
to show me God because God speaks to her
and often she keeps his whispers inside because people don't listen to her
[she sits a lone often at lunch and does not complain]
but - she speaks into my life when she feels He speaks
because she feels loved by me, and heard
and I love hugging her in the morning
and listening to her
and
it is Him, not me

and I listen to Promise/Patient, because I can tell by her voice that
it is Him speaking, not her.
And, I love her.

[God is going to do something big this semester in her]

and so that is why He kept pushing this trip back
maybe
maybe it was because of Patient
along with a flood of other things I bet
but what if
that is why he planted it in my heart
in the first place
and kept closing the door
until...

now.

i don't know why I am here.
I know I love it.

I went to church on sunday with Joe, who lives in his truck in the summer
and Kristen (don't worry Danny)
this MASSIVE truck
the kind you have to PREPARE yourself
before
climbing UP
into

and at every little coffee shop
there is art
and inspiration
in the beards of all the fishermen and captains

or the paint on the walls
or the oversized people with hearty laughs
the carharts

the waves on the stoney beach
the ships tucked in their harbors
the eagles

there are as many art galleries as there are coffee shops

could I go wrong?

and across the bay there are people dying spiritually in villages
and so
there are missionaries that take little planes across the water
to feed their starving souls.

I dunno.
I just.
like it here.
I feel God here.

the water.
the mountains.
the people.
the Jesus.