I found the most peculiar thing
instead of exposing me like some men would do
[trying to find all of me to keep for himself, to see if I was good enough or valuable enough for him, to find how to love me and use me as needed]
instead of that
instead of pulling me out
he
covered
me
with the clothes on his back
he covered me
he covered me
he covered me
it was as if my purity, the innocence that I had was so fragile and important to him,
so intricate
that he wanted to show me how delicate I was
the way he held me astounded me
by the simple covering of his robe
he spoke of a protection and of a love that gave out of himself
he showed me it was his way of loving me
and I loved the refuge of his wing
he loved me to love me
to love me
to love me
to love me
[a husband covers his wife? she is fragile? delicate? pure? he wants her to remain and become even more beautiful than she was when he met her? the treasuring grows? the love doesn't just cease with time?]
my being with him
so near him that I was wrapped in the folds of his rove
it was then that I loved him because I knew him
I knew him
I knew him
the scent of his hands
his voice
he loved me to love me because he loved to love me
and I wanted to love Him
the color of the inside of his robe were mine
personally
intimately
undeservedly
I could not believe his eyes had fallen on me
He was with me [joy!]
a victorious warrior,
praising me in His love of me, exulting over me
quieting me with His love
rejoicing over me with SHOUTS of joy
[shouting?]
he was outstanding among ten thousand and yet his eyes
saw
me
I want to boast in Him for his love! to applaud Him! He is so good at loving me! so attentive! always listening! always loving! always good! not just me, but others as well! and yet, he was mine, all mine, and I am His. I finally love my own skin because despite my flaws He loves me,
He loves me
He loves me!
I will betroth you to me forever, He says.
[forever: for all future time. Betroth: to promise to marry.]
He fed me with the best of fruit that seemed from some other land
hand picked by His hand
and he put a gold ring in my nose
bracelets on my arms
I was beautiful, yes
but for him, just for HIM, and it was sacred
as it should be for a Lover, a Husband, A bridegroom
my beauty was perfect because of the splendor which he bestowed on me
and it was enough for me
to be in his robe
to speak words of praise in His year
I was thankful in my praise in my words in the way I walked and held myself in the way I looked at him in the way I clean in the way I wrote and painted and sang
I did not want to share my skin with anyone else
my Lover deserved all of me and I loved to give it to Him
I wished I had more to give
surely, I am not enough?
[but he loved me despite, he saw no flaw, there was no blemish in me, my darkness was behind me, I was free?
I am free?]
In this I am found on my knees, His light His glory hitting me so heavily that even behind me there is no shadow
the room is full of Him
this glorious King, the one I Love I can barely look at because of His glory
this one greets me with an outstretched (pierced) hand
it holds me
it holds me close
this man calls out, LIVE!
He has seen me at my worst, thrown away in an open field
and yet he swore himself to me, made a decision to make me His
my beloved is mine
and I am my beloveds
He took me as I was and he loved me
he loves me because he loves me
to love me!
He took some water and washed the blood off o f me
he anointed me
with oil, fragrant oils, consecrated oils
He covered me with silks
put earrings in my ears
even a beautiful crown on my jute hair
he fed me and I was exceedingly beautiful
not just beautiful
exceedingly beautiful (exceed: to go beyond)
I was, I am, I am, I am
royalty.
my fame spread on account of my beauty
it was perfect because of the splendor which he bestowed on me
declares the Lover of my Soul, My Shepherd, My Emmanuel
This Lover desires me to continue in love for Him
to never stop
His gentleness has made me great
His glory that I speak of, it guards me from behind
my role is not burdened to walk in sadness or fear
I have been cleaned by the hands of a warrior
a Saviour
I have saved, there is no turning back
I have been saved
My lover is not angry with me
My Lover loves me despite the darkness I used to walk in (I am free now)
My Lover puts his skirt, his cloak, His folds over me
His banner over me is love
my clothes are light, I am a child of light because his light is so radiant it is everywhere
His anger is kindled only when I turn away form Him to be filled with other things
other people, He is jealous for my love that at times I pour out on passerbys, on other loves
idols
My Lover wants to see my beauty as sacred which is also the way I want to see it
[who doesn't? but it is hard when I live in a world that calls me not enough, that says I must be a certain way to be loved, I fight and become exhausted in this world... He invited me into His. He asks me to change my mind about the way I look at myself. At Him. At people. I am exceedingly loved and beautiful, AS. I. AM.]
In this, I can walk like a queen. [I am learning everyday how to walk like a queen] My Love's words, beautiful words following me even when I am not in His folds, He is with me, He is with me, speaking to me, guiding me, directing, remind me who I am, that I am free, that I am loved
turns to me
he beckons
turn to me
turn back to me if you are far from me
[the darkness at times overtakes me. I forsake my first Love. I can't see to find truth and so I wander from the light and try and fill my need in my own way which is so familiar to me and habitual and it's so hard to learn that I am free and that I have a Helper now, a Healer now, a Guider now, a Shepherd now that wants to take me on this journey, this yoke is easy and this burden that is light, he wants to walk with me. I am His bride, don't I understand? It is what a Husband does. Help me Help me Help me understand it please? I keep trying to do it on my own and I get frustrated.]
He says, do not keep worrying, do not be afraid, little sheep, I know what it is you need, I will hold back no good thing from you because you love me. I won't let you go. This thing that I began in you, these truths, I will bring this good work in you to completion. Just turn to me. If you cannot do even a very little thing, why are you anxious about other matters? I must build the house, I must watch over to protect you, you could lose sleep, and use all of your energy, but if you do not let me do it, you labor in vain. Even love, my Love, even when you love, do it with my love so that other people can know who I am, how beautiful I am, He says. I am here to free people from themselves.
I shook, because I knew this great One, this Lover of my soul deserved the most
He quieted me, told me that yes, much was required of those who are given much, but what I do will not save me. Quietness and trust, repentance and rest... these would save me. I began to understand that I was not called to be great or to be needed or to have a great name, He was called to that. He, in His love, asked me to do small things like feed people who hungered, or wash the feet of the people he loved. To serve. I watched Him do it, He did it so well and as I served others I spoke of this beautiful man that I called my Beloved, and as they learned of Him, as they looked at me like I was peculiar and odd for washing their feet and for delighting in every task, a light began to show on their face for they began to understand and hope and believe in this thing called redemption. Their Bridegroom was coming as well. He is, even now, knocking on their hearts, wanting to wash and to love them with all of His being like he loves you.
I will never forsake you, He says
Nothing can separate you from my love
I give to you, Beloved, even in your sleep
I began a journey of washed away fear
because perfect love casts out fear and he gave me perfect love
though at times I tremble in front of Him because he is so Holy and because His love was purely and outrageous that at times I can't even breathe
It's really something that is hard to believe,
love like this, that will not let you go
but I everyday learn that I will not lose his love
because he has promised it
I had not a fear anymore of becoming less beautiful or radiant because he promised to me that each day I would shine brighter and brighter until the full day
that full day that perfect place when all that I would want and need would be to be with Him
nothing would distract me there
I would be a perfect Lover, and I yearned for that
He promised that he would strengthen, perfect, confirm and establish me
and I believed Him.
Turn to me
turn back to me
He says
and I respond
not only because of the power in His voice
but the love it carries to me
a supernatural pouring in to me that has somehow become who I am
the glorious light that makes me shine falls on me
makes me radiant
Nothing else can fill me
and I am given a full cistern
always invited
to draw from the waters
to sit next to
to breathe in the fragrance
[I even smell good, now]
I shall not want
my cup overflows
[I am beginning to understand]
open wide your mouth and I will fill it, He says
and he does, every single time
oh, how thankful I am for the rare breaths I breathe when I am caught up in my love for this King
put on your shoes your shirt your clothes, and get ready He says
your freedom, your full redemption is coming soon
wait for me, my Bride
wait for me
my love is everlasting
my love is everlasting
my love is everlasting
he said it to me once 26 times in a row so that I would get it
he has memorized me, known me from the inside out
everytime I move he sees me
he understands me all of the time,
even when my thoughts are far off
He is intimately acquainted with all of my ways, all of them, every single one he knows
He has laid his hand on me, built a hedge around me
set up a stable beautiful path for my life, one of hope and faring well, a plan, a future
he asks me to call, talk to Him and He says, I'll listen
He says seeks me find me search for me with all of your heart and I will be found by you
I will be found by you
I will be
I am faithful
I fall and I go after other Lovers, I forget my first Love, I love things that are not of Him, I wander away, He is jealous, angry, He is perfect in His love for me. He says,]
I take you in my arms, I taught you how to walk. You don't know it yet, but I heal you. I lead you with cords of a man, with bonds of love I lift the yoke from your jaw, I bend down and I feed you. I will heal your apostasy, your lack of faith. I will love you freely anyway. My anger had turned away. I will be like dew to you. You will blossom like the lily. You will take root and have a fragrance like the cedars of Lebanon. Your beauty will be like the olive tree. You will live in my shadow. What more have I to do with idols? it is I who answers and looks after you. I am like a luxuriant cypress, from me comes your fruit. return. Turn to me.
Nothing can separate you from my love.
Nothing.
(to find a man like this, to find a man like this... [we often say, but]
I have a God like this
(parts taken from Ez. 16, Zeph 3:17, Hos 2:19, Is 58:6-11, Luke 12:35-48, Hebrews 8:12, and 13:5b-6, Psalm 18, Song of Solomon, Ps 107. Jeremiah 2:13,
romans 8, ps 127, Ps 34, Luke 12:24-34, Is 30:15, Ps 46:10, 1 Pt. 5:6-11, Ps 136 and 139, Jer 29:11-14, Hosea 11-14, Ps 23)
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