a couple deep breaths...

there is something hard about closing a door behind you, silently.

sometimes the violent slams seem more appropriate

but this one closed slowly and without much commotion

and I look at it sadly, contentedly, thrilled about what's ahead

but it's hard I think to see that it's completely finished now

a few things are completely finished now

and in a way I feel like I am walking on two feet, my own two feet

parts of me feels lonely

parts of me feels independent, victorious

God has brought me here.

I just have to collect my person

make decisions that what is behind me is behind me

and look ahead

"guard your heart for within it flows the wellsprings of life...

fix your gaze directly in front of you

let your eyes look straight ahead

make level paths for your feet

take only ways that are firm

to not swerve to the left or to the right

keep your foot from evil."

Proverbs 4 (last four verses)


ps. I am not obsessed with Alaska. But I think about Alaska.
I don't think Alaska will change me or be the next big thing
but it might change me, and might be the next thing.

I feel a strange settling down with life. It's beginning to make sense.

I'm beginning to make more sense.