Hawaii.

never been there, and so to visualize this place is only to see what I have seen in pictures in my minds eye. people talk of green sand beach, the volcano, water falling over rock, long stretches of road over cliff, cliff jumping, black sand, hikes, the natives, the expense, - I see palm trees looming over the water and a sky above, open, my husband diving head first into the blue water that will burry him and his board over and over and over in these weeks ahead

there have been small whispers that led to this trip

I remember Kirsten Graves in front of church, an a live girl with words for God and large eyes and heart speaking of Hawaii and how she would die for the city of Grand Rapids beacuse of her love of God

I remember myself, always thinking in college years and boiler room days of suffering for the Lord in third world places because I so didnt know His heart, and I remember him whispering... "I made places of paradise too," and then I began to dream of experiencing these places... and long beaches, and oh how I love water. He put that in me too.

I remember when I first met max at the boiler room: Me, scurrying around to keep everyone fed and me busy enough to not have to stop. I remember his presence behind me in the kitchen that night, the long hair, white tee shirt, black surfer shorts with pink flowers painted across them. I busied myself with the dishes, maybe he'd think I was helpful, servant-like, cute or something. I learned later he was 19 and it put a damper on the attraction I first felt. now, my surfer husband who breathes, deep in sleep next to me.

I remember Austin had brought back a dress for me form Hawaii, and I wore it one night to a love feast and intentionally sat next to the long-legged Max on the stairs of the boiler room, and interjected that this dress I was wearing happened to be from Hawaii... the place max had moved home from when I met him

I remember sitting on the floor at the Smiths, drawing a picture of a house in my journal and next to it saying, "RENT our home while we go to help support us"... Max owned a rental when we started dating.... for the purpose of going somewhere for the Lord... someday.

I remember praying that someday I could be neighbors with the Smiths. While I was in Alaska, the Smiths sold their home that I used to live in in Byron Center, and began to dream of moving downtown. in August of 2010 they moved into Grand Rapids on the Westside across the alleyway of the boiler room where I met max.

I remember watching Jay and Max move an oven up over the stairs of the home across the street from the home the Smiths moved into... I had invited Max over for coffee one morning because I spent the night often at the Smiths. Max had bought the house across the street. the house I now live in. The Smiths are our neighbors... we dream, we live, we community with them.

I remember asking max about YWAM while we dated. he didnt say much. he said enough to dampen that idea.

I remember cutting the blonde girls hair in my chair, the holy spirit sending shivers up my spine and warmth to my cheeks and running to the breakroom to text max not to fear but... I felt God moving.

I remember noting during church, I had made a list of a few items on my heart, "Hawaii, orphans, haiti..." at the same time my surfer husband was praying that I'd question him after church about hawaii.

I remember standing across the room in coffee line, and I mouthed over to him, post-church, that I had question.

I remember his reaction when I asked him about Hawaii. fist up in the air in victory, the "yesssss" slur in his mouth.

I remember both of us afraid. He had said maybe in a few years. I challenged with, God spoke we should go now, just to see what God might have for us. or not have for us.

I remember him showing up at work, mentioning dates, and the books at work saying "booked time off." I remember him having to calm me that, " God will lead. what are you afraid of?"

What does any of this mean? I know nothing more than you. Just wanted to record the happenings so that years from now we can look back and say no matter where we are, "God, you are good."

And: these two cats are off to Hawaii in a few. 1 week, three days, 7 hours, 9 minutes, 6 seconds.