passive faith

it is morning and
I woke earlier than I would have liked.

I sit and think of my life, the half-finished painting at the BR, the work up in Madcap that would be better had I had more time, the heads of hair that are placed in my hands daily
the two roommates
the love of mine that lingers in the Cayman Islands, Diving
the two paintings in the back of my car, screaming my name

loose ends. finished work. lists of to-dos.

and I find myself here.

I think of my family, my friends. the loose ends, the one who is too skinny and the other who's jaw aches from wisdom teeth and the heart that aches from break-ups, the other sits looking at his hands in front of the stove and the one who can still look at me in the eye despite what she's going through and all that I have are words.

there are always loose ends.

I've been learning this theme of passive faith (an exert I read recently)
Because Faith cannot be forced. it cannot be created. Faith, real faith, cannot be anything but passive. it is simply offering and walking away without a weight on the shoulders. It is letting go and not trying to psychologically create something that hasn't yet happened. Trusting is to fall onto, not to hold onto. It doesn't make sense in a society that tells us to use our hands our words our minds to manipulate the circumstances.

Passive faith allows you to breath, to walk away from the questions
to walk away from control and simply

believe.

I'm asking and so I am receiving.
I'm seeking and so I am finding.
I'm knocking and so the door, it will be opened.

I wish I had words to influence the hearts of those I love and ache for but all I have are words. Not for them but For God in heaven who looks down and searches the earth for those that I speak to him about. He has his hand on them.

and the loose ends, they teach us to wait, to be calm to be passive in our faith and not try and force faith but to be passive with knowing.

believing and waiting to see what I believe.

the loose ends will be tied up, I know it. and I will tell the story here.