the Fathers love.

and he held me as I br o ke.



later he told me, we cannot act based on feelings (something I find a weakness of mine)

I remember the panic (two summers ago) and the way that God spoke that simplicity over me, those simple instructions as I waited tables of old retired men with nothing to do and bumped into B who's insides were troubled and who went shaking into the bathroom and tried to wear the tie firmly to cover up the fear, the mishap the failure. I remember D who's husband took long trips and who's legs had begun to sag and who's eyes looked sad but her insides kept going she seemed very interested in everyone's perspective and very content and I remember L who didn't know left from right but had a baby at home and who tattooed her back and wore things now that she never used to wear

I remember God speaking to me then in my weariness.

God said, simply,

"show them me."

and so I did. I became bold with a joy that is not mine. in my weakness. sometimes it didn't come through. sometimes it did. I felt His strength when it did and sometimes I had to remind myself again what He said over and over in order to keep going

it felt right, my eyes were tired from no sleep over and over again, no sleep but then it was the Lord who had to be a light in those tired eyes and hands and feet

God reminded me of this in the last few days as I stayed at the smiths and walked the dog and cleaned the floor - such simple instructions. this call to love, to joy, to peace - all fruits that grow ready in us but are so easily stomped out by our own desires and thoughts

we easily stomp on them when we interact with family and friends - people who get our worst, our best but God still begs

"show them me."

it is when we are weakest that we must beg God to reveal Himself through us and it is then that we become strong

we must be weak and if we are not weak willingly, He will make us such so that we must cry out to him and remember him and return to him and he will "give us just enough" (as Rod shared last Sunday)

these lungs, this heart, this brain
it cannot continue on without Him
and so I ask that God produce good from this body that he allows to breathe, to beat to think

God, let me love you by being you to them.