sometimes I am overwhelmed by God's words. but I must check my soul and instead of holding them in my hands and try to look at them all at once and inject them into my being, I gather them quietly, acknowledging that it is from the Lord, and ask Him to not only plant them but water them. He is the Gardener and the Author and Perfecter of my faith.

"to God who accomplishes all things for me."
"He is the potter, we are the clay, he is the father. All we are is the work of His hands."

God has given me so much.

In the last 3, 4 months He has blessed me with a man who loves the Lord
who cares for me - who wants to get the most out of this life
a man who struggles with the want to serve God and the how-to-do-that and where-to-do-that and how to do that now
and in that struggle I know I am safe, because it is the want that I see, that God sees, and I feel protection in his desire to live for God - and the knowledge that God will guide, God will lead, and God will show His ways. God is faithful to answer as we pray for direction and God's will.

I have asked God, what it is supposed to be. and I have felt Him say that right now it is time to enjoy Max. To build this. to take small steps of faith forward in each realm of life - in a job, with people, with Max. to not look so far ahead, but

"Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of its own."

to take each day as a small gift and to be faithful in the small and large things that pass onto my path each day. and to believe God.

and God, is that enough? Yes. it is. Love Me, God says, and love others as you love yourself.

I look at my hands sometimes and wonder what they were made for
and I have heard when you ask a question and you dont see or hear an answer, go back to the last thing that you knew
until more revelation is given.

or wait. as Max said yesterday. Wait on God. He will be faithful.

and my hands were made to love, to paint, to make people beautiful, to create, to clean, to cook, to sing, to write, and there are small seeds of desire to hold orphans again, to learn the tools of healing prayer, but these things, though it is easy to compare myself to the missionaries who are changing countries, these things are not for me now. God has led me here. and I must trust He is doing what He needs to do, here. With me.a child.

I have felt His taming of my spirit.I am beginning to believe what He says to a greater level. and it changes a person. sometimes I feels too quiet. like I am not shaking anything up or doing enough. (this has for years been a lie that has followed me, that I must struggle with)

But He, daily, as I go to Him, and question who I am or where I am, He reminds me of thankfulness. of his unfailing love for ME. He reminds me of his instructions of contentment. He reminds me of His faithfulness to guide, that His hand is on me. He remind me that he instructs that if I trust Him and acknowledge Him in each step that I take, He will make my paths straight. I trust that. He quiets me. He tames this mustang spirit that I so often do not trust. and as I review and as I feel his words being planted in me, I am beginning to have hope.