I begin tomorrow.

I want to enter like a little child. 

unsure.

eyes fixed on Daddy.

running fast toward His direction.

unafraid.

here I am, staring at my pointy, pretty shoes and wondering what it will be like

tomorrow.

I hope to be Chelsea when I am done in a year.

I say this, only because

Emily told me the lady from Douglas J Aveda Institute said, "oh, it's so weird, when these girls leave, they look nothing like they looked when they came."

I want to look like me when I am done, except I pray that God uses this beauty school to conform me into more of His beauty. I hope my inner beauty shines, as that has been my constant, fervent prayer... so that others can see what beauty truly is.

"clothe yourself with the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, for this is pleasing to God." (paraphrase from Timothy)

I hope people can see more of Jesus by the end than of Chelsea.

I hope I can touch lives. Because to be honest, I dont feel like I am going because I like hair and nails and eyes and legs and makeup. I like pretty, sure. But. I feel like I am going for a different reason. Like most things.

I just know that it is where I am supposed to go.

I dont know how to explain it.

I just know.

and do you want to know something that bothers me? People always think they know what is best for other people. and it makes me mad.

I have heard repeatedly over the years, an adult talking about a cosmo student - they glance over their shoulder after they mention her name and say, they can't believe they didn't do more with their life, or, they would have imagined her doing more as if what she chose was less and as if she is less than she could have been

and I dont like that. and not because I will be a cosmetology student now because but I am a student of Jesus and dangit if this is where God leads a person, then this is their mission field. and it isn't about hair.

and so. I will be cutting hair. or. sweeping streets.

and even that small act

or even smaller, breathing, heart beating

will be accomplished not with my own strength

but with the Lords.

and to encourage you.

I once heard a story about a man who sold flowers for a living.

just flowers.

but He loved the Lord.

and each time someone bought flowers he'd pray for them whether they knew he did or not.

and when that man died, the church could not contain the people who were touched by that man.

I hope I cut hair the way this man sold flowers.

God bless.