warm

is

how I'd describe life right now.

not because work this morning was all that warm, as the lady glared at her corn beef hash which she insisted she had not ordered, she had ordered hash browns and she wanted them now

i did what I could. I told her the cook is new. His name is Robert. things are slower.
my other table whispered to me that she had indeed said corn beef hash.

i adore my job, i do. mostly it is exciting and fun, and people are friendly and tell you that you have very nice freckles, or that you couldn't be twenty-fve, maybe 18 but heavens no! not 25! or that you resemble the lil cowgirl from Toy Story.

but sometimes, you get scary corn beef hash lady

God has been showing me lately that
things will not always come out the way that I'd like them too

Kristen told me there is a good possibility of this in my future

i agree.

God has also been slowly laying his hand on my shoulder, or my head, and whispering
that I can be myself despite the commotion it may cause.

Not that i intentionally ever want to make someone have late hashbrowns

but, it was an honest mistake.
and i can't live in fear of making mistakes or trying to control other peoples emotions toward me
I don't have to be liked or perfect.



P.S. I've been kissed.

Daddy came last night

reserved
into the Hall filled with the homeless, the westsiders, the family

Danny pointed out last night that the apple does not fall far from the tree
Daddy and I may be more a like than I thought and Danny said
He'd break down my Dad's walls, just like Danny broke down mine

I just hope it doesn't take two years, like it did for me.

but, he came
like I prayed, like Marcy prayed over eggs yesterday morning,
like a few people prayed who read my blog

he came and chatted with Phil and Alison
called Joe Black Bill because he couldn't remember his name from last time
though I remember my Dad crying for him

he laughed with Steve-o and shook his hand as Steve asked him where I got my good looks from
my Dad turned red in the face

he listened to Danny talk about God's love and made that noise with his mouth like he does when he is tense

Danny dragged him over (ok, my Dad was eager) to meet Jill and Danny looked my Dad right in the eye and threw his arm around the back of him when he came in

he was smiling when he left last night
and i hope he'll be back

because even tho my Dad stands a little bit behind the crowd often and watches from the distance
I think he wants to be thrown in the mix, in the leaves, in the laughter

because in there is a heart the cries for the broken, that hikes and camps and loves the mountains and new england and the soil of the earth with seeds
in there is a heart that yearns to believe and walk in God's love that over flows for Him
in there is a heart that wants to teach and interact with others freely

i pray for this.

and [we'll get im] (like Danny always says)

something has settled over me

I haven't felt this for years I think

I remember thinking last year as people would always say, "hey, how are you" I never wanted to be dishonest and so got into the habit of saying, "I'm okay.. you know, just okay." I remember thinking, I can't wait, will I ever be able to say, "I'm great. I'm great!"

lately, I've been able to say, I'm great, and, I mean it.

a contentedness
a rest has fallen like a shawl on my shoulders and I DIG IT!!!

and this morning I felt like God was showing me in his whispering way that His love for me is not conditional. just like Danny's hasn't been. I've tried before to memorize it, for God and for Danny, to "get it in my head." to " just believe it."

but it is different when it comes into your head from some other source, and you know in that moment, "hi, God."

I am learning to love, really, really love, like I am really in love guys
something I asked God for a bit ago

the microwave is beeping
and I am learning to ask God one thing at a time
so I don't forget what I've asked
so when I see something shifting
I can say, "ah-ha! there it is!" instead of taking the shift for granted
I know God's hand is directly in it

like the flowers in that week, the ones i had asked for to tell me, "yes"

and now i am waiting on God to make a miracle happen
to break down my Dad's walls
to find Danny comfortable in his presence (like a son, or better, closer)
maybe Danny should tackle him with a hug even though my Dad isn't a hugger
goodness, lets start doing things differently!

to make a closeness, it'd be super and miraculous and only God so

if you could ask, "God, could you do this for Chelsea and Danny?" that'd be great because God can do it for Chelsea and Danny and
I can't stop imagining bonfires and laughter, my Dad, (the Reverend = His Dad), My Mom, his Mom sitting around drinking coffee, bonfires, brianna and joe upstairs jamming with Steph and kelli and Jesh, and Daniel and I just comfortable because we are no longer two families, but one

it CAN HAPPEN if it is the will of God
so,

that is my prayer
and when you ask you recieve
and when you seek you find
and when you knock the door WILL BE OPENED

and so, will you knock with me?

"give God no rest"

White lake

woke us up on the last morning

the sun peaking over it's skin

the lake has a body,

dimples across the surface 

raising it's hand to feel the wind as it passes on by

it has a back that arches (our kayaks skidding overtop)

and little knees

called rocks

jabbing from underneath

White Hall, Michigan

my favorite part is not wearing a watch

and wondering how the time went by so fast 

we just crept out of bed, just made black beans and guacamole (Brooke's recipe)

we just wrapped ourselves in quilts and read the enneagram, we just got here and already

it's half over, seems like K10 was just declaring, One Mile! That's ours! seems like we just got lost on dowling on our way to buy ice cream and lemons and honey - necessities

my favorite of today is

this small cafe with the young girls at the opposite table, bangs pushed all the way over discussing haunted houses and crumbs, picking at there nails

and K10 and I typing away and oohing and awing at Alaska and dresses for brides

my favorite are the bright red leaves

the ones that stand out that we will be photographing as soon as my dang battery is charged

my favorite was the big glass bowl full of antique buttons while Kristen stroked the antique quilts with small ripped octagons while I chose a book written by a former beauty queen from the 70's on being a "total woman"

my favorite is that I am missing a date tonight (wish I could be there) (miss you)

that he planned just for me, and fell on the floor when he founds I'd be away

that is my favorite because though he's complaining, I know I am loved in it

I have nothing really not to say

there are great conversations and frustrating ones, both full of love and fighting for ourselves and for us - each conversation with his legs and my legs under the booth on the West Side and two regular coffees and a waitress who doesn't understand why we are giggling or why he keeps dipping in close to my lips... (haha)

Danny tipped her well, he always tips well

We have both been thinking of my Father lately 

we have both decided to bombard him, fire love at him at top speed

devising about loving him and overcoming all things with good

we both want to see him at love feasts pouring out to Joe Black and listening intently to Daniel as he speaks, smiling (that is what I want to see)

to see our families all in a huddle around a table, laughing, eating - two of my favorite things

and if this is what is to be, and if our spirits both resonated with it, doesn't that mean that this is our next step? isn't the spirit one of unity?

sometimes we have to fight for unity because we are human

but God is going to bring it like a flood

and we will become like a song

maybe it will take journals and pouring water over our sharp places until they are soft and easy to hold in a hand

so that my ears hear his words

and his ears hear mine

and we both look at each other sweetly in all things

we both want a passionate full fire love and dog-gone-it it says whatever you find to do, do it with all of your might - and so, we have been good at that so far

brutally honest

and yet

I love when I see him and his eyes light up

and I jump at him like that silly girl did in "the perfect storm"

I remember a picture God gave me before, both of us goofballs

that adore each other

that's what I want. 

[sorry Danny if I have said too much] :)

my feet are cold. 

my Danny

God has made him a wild bull
God's power refreshes him

It has been hard for me to become accustomed to Danny's "bull" way
He is wild

Though at times that is something I want to tame
because I am always looking for gentleness and tenderness (he can be these as well)

God has made him a wild bull
a defender
a proclaimer
(my protector, leader, councelor)
and it is rare and beautiful and courageous

and everyone should know of his courage
I know if someone came up against him
he'd proclaim Jesus
he wouldn't back down

and I love that about him

(you should too)

Missy

gave me a hot pepper plant for my birthday. 

The other day I was cleaning and moving things around, and noticed the edges of a few of the leaves were getting crispy and wilty.

I checked the soil to find it dry and pulled out that little tab that tells you "put me in bright sunlight and keep my soil moist"

I'm not a gardener, you know? And so, I had placed the plant with the bright orange peppers in the corner of the room (probably the least amount of light there) smiled at my pepper plant and felt very exotic and unique for having a pepper plant in my room. 

but when it began to die I realized I hadn't read the instructions on how to care for it

how to keep it alive

and had actually done the opposite of what it needed

it occurred to me that I am like this plant

as are you

it occurred to me we often disregard what the little tab says that is shoved into the soil of other people - that tab that informs us where the person came from and how it is best cared for and kept a live because often we are caught up too much in our own heads and our own lives and nursing our own soil

i know i do this.

recently I have been priviledged to live with a family who cares for my soil very well, and a group of bible study girls who want to know my heart, my background, my needs, what keeps me a live - and recently I have been priviledge (that is spelled wrong isn't it?) to date a man who needs me to water his soil

and I am asking God how to do that

and how to step down from checking my own soil to make sure his, theirs is as it needs to be