something has settled over me

I haven't felt this for years I think

I remember thinking last year as people would always say, "hey, how are you" I never wanted to be dishonest and so got into the habit of saying, "I'm okay.. you know, just okay." I remember thinking, I can't wait, will I ever be able to say, "I'm great. I'm great!"

lately, I've been able to say, I'm great, and, I mean it.

a contentedness
a rest has fallen like a shawl on my shoulders and I DIG IT!!!

and this morning I felt like God was showing me in his whispering way that His love for me is not conditional. just like Danny's hasn't been. I've tried before to memorize it, for God and for Danny, to "get it in my head." to " just believe it."

but it is different when it comes into your head from some other source, and you know in that moment, "hi, God."

I am learning to love, really, really love, like I am really in love guys
something I asked God for a bit ago

the microwave is beeping
and I am learning to ask God one thing at a time
so I don't forget what I've asked
so when I see something shifting
I can say, "ah-ha! there it is!" instead of taking the shift for granted
I know God's hand is directly in it

like the flowers in that week, the ones i had asked for to tell me, "yes"

and now i am waiting on God to make a miracle happen
to break down my Dad's walls
to find Danny comfortable in his presence (like a son, or better, closer)
maybe Danny should tackle him with a hug even though my Dad isn't a hugger
goodness, lets start doing things differently!

to make a closeness, it'd be super and miraculous and only God so

if you could ask, "God, could you do this for Chelsea and Danny?" that'd be great because God can do it for Chelsea and Danny and
I can't stop imagining bonfires and laughter, my Dad, (the Reverend = His Dad), My Mom, his Mom sitting around drinking coffee, bonfires, brianna and joe upstairs jamming with Steph and kelli and Jesh, and Daniel and I just comfortable because we are no longer two families, but one

it CAN HAPPEN if it is the will of God
so,

that is my prayer
and when you ask you recieve
and when you seek you find
and when you knock the door WILL BE OPENED

and so, will you knock with me?

"give God no rest"