"Many of us feel an inner collision with the old life and the new one..." - Shane Claiborne

"truly, truly, I say unto you,

unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies

it remains by itself alone.

But if it dies, it bears much fruit.

He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life/soul

in this world shall keep it to eternal life.

If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me

and where I am, there shall my servant

also be.

if anyone serves me the Father will honor him."

-Jesus, John 12

"Following Jesus is simple, but not easy. Love until it hurts, and then love more." 

- Mother Theresa

"Love is a harsh and dreadful thing to ask of us, but it is the only answer." - Dorothy Day

""I think what JESUS is doing is setting us free from the heavy yoke of an oppressive way of life... This love is not sentimental but heart wrenching, the most difficult and the most beautiful thing in the world." - Shane, 136

"The time is alloted me to accomplish my earthly ministry is definitely fixed...

in the eternal degree. If we walk in the light of this plan (which was known to Jesus)

willingly submitting to it, we shall have nothing to worry about (we cannot suffer real injury); if we do not, we shall fail." - commentary on John 11:7-20

"He who believes in Me shall live

even if he dies

and everyone who lives and believes in Me

shall never die. Do you believe this?"

-Jesus, John 11

"it is not so much fleeing from something as dancing toward something new... conversion means to change, to alter, after which something looks different than it did before... we need converts in the best sense of the word, people who are marked by the renewing of their minds and imaginations, who no longer conform to the pattern that is destroying this world."

 - Irr. Revolution pg 149

"it is no longer I who live

but CHRIST who lives in me."

Galations 2:20

"No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price, for I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God, which cost me nothing." - 2 Samuel 24:24

we must ask to be broken.

to die to ourselves.

to be burried to ourselves.

then HIS life springs forth in us.

your snowflake shape

i'm sad because she is leaving

how many Wednesdays do we have left now

in this quiet flat?

and isn't that how it is these days, the coming the going the friendship

good thing i get to be with her for eternity

otherwise I could not let go so easily and wish her well

but, B, I wish you well... this is not goodbye

and you are always welcome

at my door

____________________________

the healer showed up on my prayer blanket this morning and said

i am the healer

pulled long pieces of paradigm out of my ears [ and kept pulling ]

and then showed me a meek man with holes in his wrists 

cupping my ears

precious, sweet girl he says, stroking the right side of my face

in my anger, my lush, my fits, he said

there is no one like you

no love like your snowflake shape

and that I should really start wearing myself more often

because he created certain  people to be met by me to be brought to his face through me

[ that is how we all are 

we should stop doubting so much ]

he shared myself with me like he had knit me together himself

and then my headache went away

_____________________________

it was dark

the car smelled like it always did accept this time

he was crying

yes, it was through the marijuana but God can get through the marijuana

do you even know how small I am you are

it's laughable to think we have lost hope now

I will not cry about the marijuana anymore

I will use that space to ask God to speak and touch his heart through it

to show up in it

because HE IS GOD and I know I know I know

because I have been praying for tears

(his heart is not a stone like they may think)

and even a stone?

God makes living water burst from

so maybe it should become a stone

so God can prove to all of them that

HE IS GOD

(im laughing)

she's moved in with her colors her songs her quirky pottery mugs with names affectionately attached like they are her small colored children

the picture frames aiming off in different directions with her dear ones jumping around in the corners and using the space quite effectively

her fabrics, her plants, her earth tones

she is a lover of Jesus and I could be overprotective of this house and "my" people as is my fleshly nature but I choose love and security and friendship - she is a precious one a precious precious spicy vibrant one that Jesus made to take up the middle room of our upstairs flat and bestow adoration to Jesus music in our cobwebbed corners of this church of God (mainly, three woman - this church of God)

she is a blessing. I can taste it in the teatime saddling prayer.

a fifth of vodka? -- YOU

I laugh because you are so much more brilliant than that and you don't even know it

exiting the store without the right age or the pay - the cops are sending you to court now

do they know you are an excellent artist, photographer, pianist? I bet they don't know.

I see you baby, pierced nose, pierced lip, pierced ears 

the ink biting your arm, your heart (Daddy sees it too)

I see you baby, staring up in disbelief

still pierced, still tattooed 

maybe even in the market for another

but collapsed at the alter 

your broken, wise eyes -- strangely fierce and truthful

you are the saved one, the saved one

you know grace

in a way I do not

You're taller than me, but a baby

a small prince, you can finally look in my eyes, pure one

Son of the Living God

I remember knowing you and understanding you in a way they did not

trying to peel back scripture for you and I think it is the last time you tried

taking up the corner of the gray couch

your heart poached with fear, fear, fear that has become numb with years

the devil who is overcome was even then dripping his alcohol, his drugs, his abuse, his thievery of child-hearts into yours

wish I knew about him then I would have kicked his ass

Your heart, I know who it belongs too

who I have been praying will take it

who I believe will take it in time

I will try to bridge this gap

and believe in a God who's hands are covered over you

laughing at our frenzy because

He is gentle, and he knows and with one word

your heart would be blooming, I know

you will understand me again, you will!