I feel so quiet. and small.

I have never felt this way before

sitting under the apple trees for hours

and God resting His hand on me in the early morning

making rice with all my might

so out of bounds with the familiar, waiting on God to call up what will be.

I have been in control too long

trying to fix the family

make people happy

make myself more godly

or fit a mold

but I can't, you know?

I must just look at Him and seek after Him and let Him move me

and really, that is the only hope I can give other people

to look at Him and love Him and seek after Him and know Him and follow as he guides

I think that perhaps right now I feel really weak

because God is and is going to put Himself in me more

as he breaks me

because I barely know myself right now

but He will show me who He is

and then I will know better

who I am

I am wanting things I never knew I'd want or plan on or wait on

mostly I want peace and trust and unconditional love to be inside of me through knowing and becoming more like God

"show your ways, Oh Lord, teach me in your paths

guide me into your truth and teach me

For you are my God and my Savior

and my hope is in you all day long"

Psalm 25

"I will teach you and instruct you in the way you should go

I will counsel you with my eye upon you."

Psalm 32

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough worries of it's own"

Luke 12