the wind

heavy today
the branches yanked to the left
the smoke it rescued from his mouth
her unconscious hair that it was putting it's fingers through

I am of the wind. it comes and goes where it wishes
nobody knows where it comes from or where it is going
I am of the wind

I pass by.
the boy looks up from his newspaper
turns the page
the runner in black enters the building: no face
the professor passes me, the cement is more important than my face
his red bow-tie
I pass by.

I am of the wind because the wind is the Holy Spirit and I don't think I have lived by Him for so long, I haven't allowed my steps to be performed by Him, but I am giving in now--it's taken me years to understand that this all is on purpose and even when I think I am directing my own life I'm not so I give in now because the only time I am at peace is when you are bring-in-me-in

will he bring my steps to Africa in August? to class in a few hours? there is a purpose for my being in this room right now. This next breath of mine is God ordained. Dang. So, what is God's will for tomorrow, today, this second? God, I am giving you my feet because nothing makes sense without you leading and then when you lead it doesn't make sense to the world and I accept that

if it means I stay behind, if it means I go

because everything is on purpose with you, I see it, I told her, I see it
last week I was praying that the Holy Spirit would enter her in that extraordinary way and
I see it,
I see it
your eyes are on fire now and you're dreaming now and you're singing worship songs come morning, and his fingers are learning these God-glorifying tunes and they are coming off a little louder than his songs his songs his songs and we're thinking that guys new name should be smiley, I've been praying about that and Mom and Dad are holding hands now and Seth is talking about God and Jefferey is sleeping in the prayer room? God? Is that you? of course it's you.

It's always you and
I'm passing up my feet to you.
every
second
every
word
to you

because I am of the wind, the Holy Spirit is in me
and that means that I will not always know where it is I came from and where it is I am going
you blow where you wish
its always on purpose
and no one has to understand it

2. I looked up pictures of wind on Google and can you imagine there were no pictures of wind
only the things that wind moved and that is how it is isn't it



3.
I woke this morning to know I have been holding myself in
you told me in a dream, like you do
I coulda let that dark man whisper at me or I could break free in the glory of my Lord
I choose the later

hiding is a sin
I am beginning to see because if I had a candle
and there was this dark shabby room (this computer lab
the house two, three, four, five doors down)
and I kept that little candle in its box
worried I'd wear it out or loose its longevity
I'm thinkin there'd be a lot of stubbed toes
blind people with their hands out, hands out, they all have their hands out

grabbing the wrong lights, trying to find their way, trippin over furniture

and I have this little candle that I've been hiding

oh God, save me from hiding let me break loose break free and become the
beauty you have put in

sure it's not about what I can do, but if you gave me things I can do
I should do them

it's not that complicated, really
DM is always saying I make it more complex than it is and there I am claimin I am
a warrior for the simple

God. here is a match. strike it. light it. move it. I've got these two legs, these high cheekbones
blonde eyelashes, this tiny voice, these eyes, these stubby fingers that Jana is always making her
fat laugh at,
I've got a couple paintbrushes and an eye for
a good picture, a love for the orphans in other countries, and a love for this city
and the babies becoming woman

I could write a little poetry about her little crumpled eyes and the baby she hides behind a shirt,
a smile--
but mostly, God, I have this heart that likes to break and hates that it cries often
but I want it to cry for your things. your things. your things.

here I am. send me. light me. I'm coming out like that little flower that indian
told me I was when I was little

bustin loose in this joint.