ode to just one blog on the subject

1.

an alley cat is on the roof

chip's voice hitting every wall of the kitchen

offering a toothbrush to a voice in the shower

Sarah and Don playin on high tables

I'm typing.

there are a lot of things inside of me

a lot of things I wish I could type
with all the noise

and

summer is hiding under the bark: august is whispering at me

2.

I used to think I knew

that day God told me something about planting vineyards

I thought I knew because
his pockets were full of the same seeds as mine

which I have found to be rare

it only made sense but most things don't make sense, I guess

maybe it isn't supposed to make sense, I don't know

things are generally different from what we assume

I like

the Jesus that got put inside in the past few

the heart becoming a tree

but the music inside of me. he has no idea.

there are no hard questions and he does not try to find me and
I find it extremely unusual and fascinating

I am not upset or bothered or attempting to obtain what they all sit and wait and seek because I don't think I am supposed to compete

you are not mine until you are mine and he will be
whoever he is

in time

it will be simple and perhaps not easy but correct and beautiful

you:

loaded with faults, [we are] but you will be neither bland nor unorganized or unfaithful

I know you already as a kind man a humble man a lover of the lowly

wish I knew your dang name

Jesus is next to you now, and so
I am not absent

when I am present I will attempt to make you the happiest of them
because I am whole and being whole is rare and so

you bet I'll choose wisely

because he will be the one that applauds Michelangelo and I

as I see the angel in the marble and carve until I set him free

this will happen with our neighbors, our sisters, Fathers

we'll have long fishing poles and short ones

and I will applaud you everyday of your life

and even if I talk myself down or hide (I'm working on it)

I know God has put in me things that I will use and I will create

it is my job to create and to love and to become daily
if I love God and people well, I have learned, I have succeeded

and if he has his hand on my hand I will paint beautiful things, hands down

I will sing beautiful songs even if my voice is small and little and at times insecure

I'll learn.

do I seem disengaged or unattentive?

Maybe it's because they are crowded around you and I am hard to see, that's okay with me

it's ok. I'm not threatened. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.

Leslie taught me that I want my heart to only contain Jesus so that when I see you I will recognize Him in you because I know Him so well
and that will be the most beautiful thing about your face

and maybe its been a long time for you, for I

I'm picky, it's true but you'll know what to say because you've sat long and hard at God's feet and he's said my name in your ear and your voice might not be steady but it will be strong

and until then know that I don't need you even if I wouldn't mind you hanging around for the rest of my life. I'm whole. I'm giving you up to that time that day that God's already carved out

Maybe that sounds valiant,
it's not so valiant,
just true
and I love things
that are completely out
of my hands