I feel like I am on a journey to let my Daddy go. 

to let my family go.

to let my boyfriend go.

my home go.

a new job. a new home. no boyfriend. no husband. no career. no real feeling of security.

plus, in these last two years I sort of let school go.

And then it was just me and God, and I had to start facing Him.

Believing Him.

Making complete peace, with... just Him.

Trusting Him, regardless of the anger, fear, confusion I felt for being so stinking alone

trusting Him in my circumstances

realizing, truly, seperate from all of it

it is really just Him and I. forever.

I am learning to receive Him, accept myself. And I think He is teaching me to walk on His pathways, not always sensible ones

but stable, peaceful ones

by streams of water

or through war zones

offering under my breath or outloud

the fears and failures that I have carried

so that he can take them from me

asking Him to keep me broken, humble, fearless, WITH THE MIND OF CHRIST

(I asked Him to relay the foundations of me...)

and full of JOY.

I truly cannot

fix myself

move myself

convince myself

change myself

or my family

i want to want and I WANT God

I want to know Him

that is where it begins.

I feel like I am just beginning.

again.

and so, here I am

content

happy

gaining more peace daily

cutting the Smith's hairs

coffee with Marcy in the mornings

cooking with Ally tomorrow night

beautiful

a simple

quiet

peaceful

season with God

with the Smiths

with my family 

with Brayden and Abby

today

(it has been a desert)

He is wooing me

remolding me

and I want to just be clay

and clay does not fear His molders gentle hands

or purposes.